Ask
by Wednesdayite13
Summary: Vampirella annoys the hell out of her friends
1. Ask the Avengers

Vampirella: Hello and welcome to the SJS. I have with me the Avengers and Loki  
Steve: She tricked us  
Loki: I was promised pudding  
Steve: She won't let us out!  
Loki: Where's my pudding?  
Vampirella: You'll get pudding later. So, I have some questions for you, as you know, and you are not allowed to leave until you have answered them  
Clint: She's locked the door!  
Loki: Pudding. Just remember that  
Vampirella: OK. Let's start, shall we? Loki, I was watching the Avengers online again. When fighting on Stark towers, you dropped your staff. Right?  
Loki: Yes  
Vampirella: You then jump on one of those flying motorbike thingies and then you have your staff back. When did that happen? And how did Black Widdow get it again afterwards?  
Loki: Well...you see...I...shut up  
Tony: Woah, epic fail there Loki  
Vampirella: OK, Bruce. If you're always angry, then why aren't you always the Hulk?  
Bruce: I keep in bottled up until I need it  
Vampirella: I see. This is a question for Thor and Loki, are you seriously telling me that Algrim didn't look slightly evil?  
Tony: Who?  
Loki: He wasn't. He just wanted revenge. Something I will also get if you don't give me my pudding  
Vampirella: But he looks like an evil Jaga  
Thor: He looks nothing like an evil Jaga  
Vampirella: He reminds me of Jaga! I can't be the only one who thinks that. And right at the start I thought "well he's gonna turn evil"  
Loki: I have a question. Why were you going to let him go, Thor? He nearly killed our father!  
Thor: But he didn't  
Loki: But he could have  
Thor: He was a friend. I was hardly going to kill him  
Vampirella: OK, moving on...where's the sword?  
Thor: What?  
Vampirella: I want that sword  
Loki: You are not getting the sword  
Vampirella: Oh I am getting the sword  
Tony: OK, no-one knows what you three are on about! Can we move on please?  
Vampirella: Yes, of course. Sorry. Now, next question. Does anyone have any bonjela?  
Clint: Have you been eating plooms again?  
Vampirella: No. Maybe. Yes. Why do you ask?  
Loki: They're gross!  
Thor: ~shudders~  
Tony: She sent me a bag of them saying they were from my secret admirer. They were the worst thing I have ever tasted  
Vampirella: OK, Loki, couldn't you have just stolen the Allspark? That's easier to steal and it does the same thing. It's a source of unlimited power  
Loki:...I hadn't thought of that  
Bruce: You are inviting them to steal something you are fighting over?  
Vampirella: Pretty much. Coulson, what did it feel like to die?  
Coulson: I died?  
Loki: I killed you  
Coulson: When?  
Thor: When I was locked in the Hulk's cage  
Vampirella: You don't remember?  
Coulson: Oh, I remember. It felt...like dying  
Vampirella: Really? OK, Loki. Request  
Loki: Oh no. Does it include pudding?  
Vampirella: No  
Loki: I was promised pudding  
Steve: Someone get him his pudding!  
Vampirella: You will get your pudding...after you sing Miami  
Loki: Do I have to?  
Vampirella: Do you want pudding?  
Loki: Fine! #Here I am in the place where I come let go. Miami the base and the sunset low. Everyday like a mardi gras everybody party all day no work all play OK. So we sip a little something lay the rest the spill. Me and Charlie at the bar running up a high bill. Nothing less than Ill, when we dress to kill. Every time the ladies pass they'll be like hi Will. Can y'all feel me? All ages and races. Real sweet faces. Every different nation. Spanish, Hatian, Indian, Jamaican. Black. White. Cuban and Asian. I only came for two days of playing but every time I come I always wind up staying. This the type of town I can spend a few days in Miami the city that keeps the roof blazing.# Can I have pudding now?  
Vampirella: No  
Taryn: Tony. How many times have you been thrown out of a window?  
Vampirella: When did you get here?  
Taryn: I'm your co-host  
Vampirella: Oh yeah, I forgot  
Taryn: Tony?  
Tony: Do you mean by Norse Gods or all together?  
Loki: I think she means all together, Tony  
Tony: In my defense, it was dark and we had a lot to drink  
Steve: How many times?  
Tony: Erm...a few...next question?  
Taryn: Fury hasn't been asked anything yet  
Vampirella: Do you say Oreo or OReo?  
Fury: I say Oreo  
Taryn: Really? That's not fair  
Vampirella: It's the right way to say it  
Steve: I'd say OReo  
Thor: I'd say Oreo  
Loki: Same  
Vampirella: Thanks you two!  
Coulson: It's OReo  
Loki: And that's why I killed you  
Tony: I say Oreo  
Vampirella: OK that's three who say it the wrong way and five who say it correctly. Ahh five!  
Taryn: Moving on  
Vampirella: Fury how did you loose an eye?  
Fury: You don't know?  
Vampirella: No  
Fury: Doesn't it explain in a comic or something?  
Vampirella: I wouldn't know. Someone hid my comics!  
Loki: You will get them back when you give me pudding!  
Fury: Grenade in WWII  
Vampirella: Really?  
Fury: I age really slowly  
Vampirella: I did not know that  
Loki: Now you do  
Vampirella: OK I am Vampirella  
Taryn: I am Taryn  
Vampirella: And we are with Thor, Loki, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Nick Fury, something Coulson and Clint...someone or other. We will see you after the break. Actually we won't see you, but you'll see us

**We will return to Ask The Avengers...right now**

Vampirella: ~with black eye~ And we are back with Thor, Loki, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Nick Fury, Phil Coulson and Clint Barton  
Taryn: Clint. What else did you and Loki get up to under his mind control?  
Clint: Erm, do I have to answer that question?  
Loki: Do we get a lawyer?  
Vampirella: No  
Clint: We...erm...do you want details?  
Vampirella: Yes  
Loki: The things he can do with those arrows  
Clint: Shut it Loki. OK so we-  
Vampirella: Kids watch this  
Clint: Played with lollypops...  
Thor: Too much information!  
Vampirella: I have a question for Clint. Why didn't I know your last name?  
Clint: Because you are a douche  
Vampirella: OK. ~rubs optics~ Ow that hurts still  
Clint: You forgot my last name!  
Coulson: And my first!  
Tony: Your first name is Agent!  
Loki: Pudding?  
Vampirella: Not yet! First you need to make out!  
Loki: Never!  
Vampirella: Fine! Say Loki'd  
Loki: Loki'd!  
Vampirella: Haha he said it! Thor and Loki. What is your reaction to the Thorki stuff? And I want honest answers! You know what that means right, Loki? And just to be sure, I'm gonna give you an electric shock every time you lie Loki!  
Thor: Scary!  
Loki: I agree. OW!  
Thor: Loki?  
Loki: Erm...awkward moment  
Thor: Loki!  
Loki: OK OK so I have fantasies about you sometimes  
Thor: Ew! Loki!  
Vampirella: Haha! And on that bombshell, good night  
Tony: You stole that from Top Gear!  
Steve: Come up with your own ending!  
Vampirella: Flying monkeys! That's right! I watched Wizard of Oz this morning! I understood the reference!  
Taryn: It's not even the end of the show yet  
Thor: And it is not night!  
Loki: No! It isn't! It's Chiko Time! Now give me pudding!  
Vampirella: Does anyone else have questions?  
Tony: Steve, do you miss Peggy?  
Vampirella: Peggy?  
Thor: Not your three legged cat, V  
Loki: They fought along side each other in WWII...I think  
Steve: Yes I miss her. And she was highly attractive, you have to admit  
Vampirella: Erm...no. I don't admit. I'm a feeperson. I don't think that way. I like guys!  
Tony: You like Norse Gods and robots  
Steve: ~sighs~ Yes, I miss her. I still hate waking up in this time. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her  
Thor&Loki: Awww  
Vampirella: #Love is in the air!#  
Steve: ~throws shield at Vampirella~  
Vampirella: ~dodges and throws bombshell onto floor~  
Tony: What is that all about?  
Vampirella: ~stands on bombshell~ AND ON THAT BOMBSHELL! Good night!  
Loki: It's not night  
Vampirella: ~magically makes it darker~ It is now!


	2. Ask the Avengers 2

Vampirella: Ask The Avengers episode 2. We're with the same people yada yada Bruce do you have a girlfriend?  
Bruce: What? No  
Vampirella: Answer truthfully  
Bruce: I did  
Vampirella: Really?  
Bruce: OK OK. There was this one woman, but Thor came along-  
Thor: Your friend stole Mjolnir! I kept getting summoned!  
Loki: Oh that's where you got to  
Bruce: She didn't know about 'The Hulk' at first, but when Thor came along  
Thor: Blame the people in the helicopters!  
Vampirella: Helicopters!  
Coulson: Don't mention helicopters!  
Loki: You seriously forgot that I killed you?  
Thor: But Algrim had been with us for ages!  
Vampirella: It's your own fault for giving him the sword  
Tony: Why are you obsessed with helicopters?  
Loki: Why did he abandon us for Once Upon a Time?  
Thor: We didn't know! It seemed like the logical thing to do!  
**We apologize for the temporary loss of the Avengers sanity. The host never had any to begin with.**  
Vampirella: Let's just ask each other questions  
Tony: Bruce, what's her name? Thor, did you steal his girl? Loki. Any injuries when falling to Midgard?  
Loki: When I had Mjolnir on my chest, a few bones were broken and that lead to a bloody horrible mess when I fell to Midgard  
Vampirella: Details?  
Loki: You saw it. In fact you drank all my spilled blood!  
Vampirella: Why let it go to waste?  
Bruce: Her name was Betty  
Thor: It was the geek's fault! He kept summoning me and he had to send me back! I ended up running with the dog in a Chariots of Fire sort of way...that was fun  
Loki: I bet it was. My ribs are still bad!  
Vampirella: Don't complain or I'll sew your mouth shut and make a snake release it's venom on you  
Loki: You wouldn't dare!  
Vampirella: Oh yes I would!  
Thor: I have a question for you, Vampirella. Why didn't you tell us you had a bad feeling about Algrim?!  
Vampirella: You didn't ask. Now about the sword  
Thor: You are never getting that sword  
Vampirella: ~pulls out sword~ I already have it  
All: DUCK! ~duck~  
Vampirella: Where? Haha, don't worry I won't use it  
Loki: That was given to the Frost Giants!  
Vampirella: And I won it in a card game  
Loki: Really?  
Vampirella: No I stole it  
Thor: Laufey will offline you!  
Vampirella: Relax. He won't find me  
Laufey: Vampirella!  
Vampirella: Scrap!  
Loki: Don't do anything stupid!  
Vampirella: The slightest thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest possibility of crossing my mind.  
Thor&Loki: RUN!  
Vampirella: OK!  
~Laufey chases Vampirella speedily while the Benny Hill theme plays~  
Loki: Seriously Thor, what did you do to Bruce's girl?  
Thor: BLAME THE GUY WHO STOLE MJOLNIR! If it wasn't for him, she never would have found out!  
Loki: Sure, Thor. Is Laufey still chasing Vampirella?  
Vampirella: It was a stupid place to leave the sword!  
Loki: I take it that's a yes  
Thor: Really it wasn't my fault! I wanted to leave, he kept summoning me!  
Tony: What is everyone talking about?!  
Vampirella: Stark just eat your Shawarma! AAH!

**We will return to Ask The Avengers as soon as Vampirella hands over the sword**

Vampirella: And we're back, and I'm swordless. Next question. Stark and Loki, what do you think of FrostIron?  
Tony: FrostIron?  
Vampirella: Work it out, Stark. Frost and Iron  
Loki: It's Gold Titanium Alloy  
Vampirella: Oh yeah. Gold Titanium Alloy Man. Let's just at this moment pretend it's Iron  
Tony: Oh! Ew! I mean, no. Well, I could do worse I suppose, right?  
Loki: You could do worse you suppose?! What sort of an answer is that?  
Vampirella: Woohoo. You've angered the God of Mischief  
Tony: I'm just saying it's not a bad thing, that's-  
Loki: Stark! Just shut up! Right now!  
Vampirella: Loki and Tony sitting in a tree  
Loki: Planning ways to offline V!  
Vampirella:...Moving on  
Loki: Woah, the 'fearless vampire' is scared  
Vampirella: Other people say I'm fearless! I have never claimed that!  
Thor: And evidentially she is not. She is scared of wardrobes  
Vampirella: With good reason!  
Loki: She's scared to drink bottled water now. Tell them the reason!  
Vampirella: Because...you'll get a horrible skin eating virus that's incurable and you'll die  
Clint: Lovely  
Vampirella: I have another question for Gold Titanium Alloy Man. This is a question from my friend Taz. How do you feel about the Stark Spangled Banner?  
Steve: I like  
Vampirella: Haha Stark Spangled Banner  
Tony: Well if it starts with Stark, it's bound to be good  
Bruce: Anything with the word Banner in it sounds promising  
Vampirella: Yeah?! Well you know the name I go by on Earth? You know what song that's in? Mellow Yellow? You know who Saffron is? A cat! I'm a cat!  
Loki: That has nothing to do with the question  
Vampirella: You have a cat voice. OK, Taz has also asked if Natasha likes Clint as a friend or lover but since she's not here right now, I'll phone her  
Clint: NO!  
Vampirella: ~puts phone on speaker~ Hey Natasha, do you like Clint as a friend or a lover?  
Natasha: Is Clint there?  
Vampirella: Yeah but he won't hear you and don't worry, I won't tell him  
Natasha: Well...at first as a lover, but then he tried to kill me  
Clint: That was Loki's fault!  
Loki: Oh sure, blame me!  
Natasha: You said he won't hear me!  
Vampirella: I lied. Carry on  
Natasha: He's good boyfriend material. That's all I'm saying  
Vampirella: Awww cute. Clint?  
Clint:...Well...I...I admit...I like you Natasha  
Vampirella: Ladies and gentlemen, we may have a new couple on the SJS now. Bruce and Tony, heard of the Science Bro's paring going on here on Deviantart?  
Bruce: No  
Tony: You don't want to know  
Bruce: No no, tell me  
Vampirella: I'll show you ~shows Bruce~  
Bruce:...You're right, I didn't want to know  
Vampirella: OK awkward. Moving on. Thor, how did you feel when you found out that Loki's not your actual biological brother?  
Loki: Yeah, Thor, how did you feel?  
Thor: How do you expect me to have felt? It was the worst thing I'd ever heard  
Vampirella: Aww  
Loki: Really?  
Thor: Yes, Loki. Because you were my best friend and I didn't want to loose you  
Loki: Aw. That is so nice  
Vampirella:...I'm sorry, Shifu is not a red panda  
Loki: Way to ruin the moment  
Vampirella: OK this next question calls for another phone call. ~on phone~ You know what, can you meet us here or something?  
Natasha: Sure  
Vampirella: Bear with, I'll teleport you. I say teleport because the actual thing I can do isn't Marvel related. ~'teleports' Natasha~ Loki and Natasha, are you aware that there is a little BlackFrost going on Deviantart and etcetera? What are your feelings towards that? And Loki, I want the truth  
Loki: OK we hardly know each other!  
Stark: I wouldn't mind a little BlackIron  
Clint: Well no-one asked you!  
Natasha: Jealous?  
Clint: W-What? Me? Jealous? No! It's just something fans made up  
Loki: OK well I am not a fan  
Natasha: Neither am I  
Vampirella: Is that the truth Loki?  
Loki: Shut up!  
Vampirella: OK we have time for one more question  
Natasha: Until part 3  
Vampirella: Yes. Are you gonna be in that?  
Natasha: Sure, why not?  
Vampirella: Good. OK, Clint. What did it feel like to be under mind control?  
Clint: Didn't we already have a question about mind control?  
Loki: Yeah something about if we got up to anything  
Clint: Oh, well it was weird. It's like I remember what happened, but at the time I wanted it, sort of. If that makes sense  
Loki: That was the idea  
Vampirella: Loki I need to be able to do that!  
Loki: I bet you would  
Vampirella: And that is the end of Ask The Avengers part 2. We will do a part 3 if we get enough questions to ask. I bet there are tons out there, but not enough people will view this but oh well, never mind. And remember, keep calm and eat Shawarma!


	3. Ask the Avengers 3

Vampirella: Hello and welcome to the third episode of Ask the Avengers  
Tony: Only because you don't know who else to do this with  
Vampirella: Loki, did you ever get that drink?  
Loki: Oh, that's a really good point! No, I didn't  
Tony: You should have taken the drink when I offered. It was too late then!  
Loki: That's not how it works!  
Tony: It is in my book  
Loki: Did it really matter? You owed me  
Tony: Oh, and how did we owe you?  
Loki: I was Hulk smashed! I needed a drink after that!  
Vampirella: OK next question before a huge argument starts  
Bruce: No offense Loki but you deserved to be Hulk smashed!  
Loki: OK so I killed 80 people in two days, but what did you expect? We weren't all going to sit down and have a tea party! Although it would have been over much quicker if you offered me pudding!  
Vampirella: Next question?  
Tony: For your information, they had plenty of puddings at that Shawarma place we went to  
Loki: Oh that's a good point as well. No Rainbow Bridge so it takes a lot of power to get back to Midgard now. So why do you go to Asgard and then go back to Midgard for some Shawarma? You abandoned me before my trials!  
Thor: Don't mention the trials  
Loki: People know! Like people know it will be filmed in London!  
Vampirella: ~throws bucket of water over Avengers~ Next question!  
~knock on door~  
Vampirella: Who is it?  
Voice: Pizza delivery  
Thor: You do not want to answer that  
Vampirella: Why do I not?  
Thor: I have recently gotten into that Midgardian comedy Not Going Out  
Tony: What's that?  
Vampirella: But I want pizza  
Loki: There is no pizza  
Thor: Just sausage  
Steve: I don't want to know what you are going on about  
Vampirella: OK I'm not answering that door!  
Loki: I want to know who it is now  
Vampirella: Bruce, open the door  
Bruce: No, you have put me off pizza deliveries  
Vampirella: I'll jab you with a pointy thing  
Tony: Nah, that didn't really work for me  
Vampirella: I will look at CCTV footage later to see who it was. OK can we move on now?  
Natasha: You have CCTV?  
Vampirella: Yes  
Clint: Why?  
Vampirella: Because of creepy pizza delivery guys. Anyway, I've only actually asked one question  
Thor: Actually, you haven't  
Loki: Yeah you've asked "Why do I not?"  
Thor: And "Who is it."  
Loki: And "Next question?" was actually a question  
Thor: You've asked three questions  
Vampirella: Shut it! OK, what do you guys think about Vision?  
Loki: Who?  
Thor: He's creepy  
Tony: He's helpful and he's a good friend!  
Thor: I say he's creepy  
Loki: Who's Vision?  
Vampirella: You wouldn't know, you were too busy being all evil  
Tony: Actually he was probably too busy eating pudding  
Steve: The Iron Avengers were a little weird  
Tony: That hasn't actually happened yet  
Vampirella: Yes but it will. Time travel is handy  
Thor: I have a question, if I may  
Vampirella: No you mayn't  
Tony: Not a word  
Vampirella: Is not  
Thor: Vampirella do you ever brush your hair?  
Vampirella: Hey! I brush my hair usually three times a day  
Thor: Really?  
Vampirella: I honestly do  
Thor: And how many hairbrushes have you broken?  
Vampirella: Two snapped, but I've lost count of how many of those spikey things have gotten lost in my hair  
Thor: Come here  
Vampirella: ~moves towards Thor~ Why?  
Thor: ~brushes fingers down Vampirella's hair but fingers get stuck~ Wow!  
Vampirella: Aah I have Norse God fingers in my hair!  
Loki: Eew Thor gods know what's been in that hair  
Tony: _'Gods know'_ what's still in that hair  
Thor: Gross!  
Vampirella: OK, Bruce, did it hurt when you were all blastified with the gamma ray? And if at all possible I just have to say, I don't wanna get Hulk smashed! So please answer my question with the least amount of physical pain  
Bruce: It did a little, but not as much as Tony will hurt if he won't stop JABBING ME WITH HIS PEN!  
Tony: I want Hulk!  
Loki: Oh but it's OK if Vampirella pokes you?  
Bruce: I think we're all used to that. So to answer your question, yes. A little  
Vampirella: I kinda wanna be all blastificatified with the gamma ray  
Steve: OK so you take a small word and turn it into a long and complicated one?  
Vampirella: Of course, I thought you knew me  
Loki: Steve. Never try to comprehend Vampirella's mind for you will be sucked in by a vortex of randomness  
Steve: Thanks for the tip  
Loki: I have a question. Vampirella, when will we get to hear your Avengers song?  
Vampirella: Never! You shall never hear the song!  
Loki: Aww but-  
Vampirella: Next question  
Loki: It's on Soundcloud  
Vampirella: Shut up Loki. Anyone heard Rhyming With Thunder?  
Thor: Is that the next question?  
Vampirella: No but it's stuck in my head  
Loki: I haven't  
Tony: Neither have I  
Steve: No  
Vampirella: You don't know what you're missing! Look it up, it's by Folkearth  
Loki: What about your Size of a Cow cover?  
Vampirella: That is for my enjoyment and my enjoyment only!  
Loki: You know I will hack your computer and find it  
Tony: You don't need to, I know her password  
Vampirella: What?! How do you know?  
Tony: JARVIS told me  
Vampirella: And how does he know?  
Tony: You told him  
Vampirella: Oh yeah...It's stuck in my head now. It always gets stuck in my head!  
Loki: Are you running out of questions now?  
Vampirella: Yes I am. Coz the SJS don't have enough fans and we're hardly getting anyone asking stuff so I either think of them myself or get my friend to ask some as well  
Tony: Are you actually planning any other episodes or are you just going to keep bugging us?  
Vampirella: Well I'm planning an Ask the Thundercats and Ask the BAU. I'm also trying my best to find the Furious Five and lock them in the training hall or something so I can Ask the Furious Five. Anyone else I know are enemies so...  
Loki: You're good at making enemies  
Vampirella: Aren't I just. Thor, if Loki came to you begging for forgiveness, would you?  
Thor: If Loki came begging for forgiveness, I'd obviously think it's a trick. Loki and beg do not belong in the same sentence  
Vampirella: Haha no fair point  
Loki: Would you ever though? I mean if I did  
Thor: Well of course I would, but let's just accept the fact that you never will  
Loki: You know me too well Thor  
Vampirella: Well duh you're brothers  
Loki: True  
Tony: Woah, what?  
Bruce: You weren't meant to agree, Loki  
Loki: Well...no...but...I...well...Next question!  
Vampirella: Hey I call the questions!  
Loki: I have cheese  
Vampirella: OK next question  
Tony: Seriously though Loki, you need to just let your hair down and relax sometimes ~wink~  
Loki: ~smiles~ And why should I do that?  
Tony: Because you're building up your problems to the size of a cow  
Vampirella: You did that on purpose! Tony, what were your thoughts when you first because a 'superhero'  
Tony: Well I just thought...don't you think it's funny that nothing's what is seems when you're not looking forward? Me, I'd like to think that life is like a drink and I'm hoping that it tastes like bourbon  
Loki: ~hiding laugh~  
Thor: So I assume life is not what you thought it was?  
Tony: No it wasn't. I mean, look at my past! I'm ripping up my feet over broken glass. I said Oh wow look at me now  
Vampirella: ~leaves~  
Loki: Woah woah woah, what do you mean I'm building up my problems to the size of a cow?  
Vampirella: ~comes back with bucket of water~  
Tony: You kinda are, Loki  
Loki: Yeah? Well look at me now!  
Vampirella: ~drenches Avengers~  
Loki: Aah!  
Thor: What was that for?!  
Tony: We were answering your question!  
Steve&Bruce: We didn't even do anything!  
Vampirella: And that just about wraps up this episode of Ask the Avengers!  
Clint: Has anyone here seen Miranda?  
Loki: That Midgardian comedy show?  
Clint: Yes  
Loki: I have  
Tony: So have I, why?  
Clint: You know how it ends with a song that fits the episode?  
Tony: Yes?  
Clint: Shall we?  
Tony: Let's  
Avengers: #Damn blast, look at my past, I'm ripping up my feet over broken glass, I said, Oh wow, look at me now, I'm building up my problems to the size of a cow#  
Vampirella: I hate you all


	4. Ask the Autobots

Vampirella: Hello and welcome to Cybertron! Now, to avoid serious injuries and/or death, this will be divided up into two parts. Firstly, I will interview the Autobots. Please welcome the Elite Guard and Team Prime! First question. Are Prime and Ratchet blind? Coz no offence but if they couldn't see the Elite Guard symbols on those jets-  
Jetfire: That is what we were thinking also!  
Optimus: There is nothing wrong with being cautious. And they never told us!  
Jetstorm: You were never letting us!  
Vampirella: That's a fair point, you just casually attacked them  
Blurr: OK-can-we-move-on-we-only-have-a-limited-time-before-Sentinel-notices-our-absence  
Vampirella: Yes, OK. Maybe we'll have more luck with the whole leader thing with the Decepticons since Megatron will be there. Next question-  
Jazz: Woah woah back up, Megatron?  
Vampirella: Yeah, I'm interviewing the Decepticon leader after this. Next question-  
Jazz: Are you insane?!  
Vampirella: Yes! Next question! Didn't you ever suspect Longarm? I mean he's got to be the worst liar in the history of liars  
Bumblebee: Well you would say that!  
Vampirella: I'm just saying, he looked suspicious. Like it was clear that Algrim was gonna turn all evilified. Doesn't anyone ever notice this stuff?!  
Jazz: We hardly spoke to him, to be honest. Only when it suited us  
Vampirella: Fair point  
Perceptor: Evilified?  
Vampirella: I make up my own words. Now next question-  
Jazz: What's wrong with existing words?  
Vampirella: They're boring! Next question-  
Jazz: Don't go to their planet and then change their words!  
Vampirella: For the love of Primus it was much easier interviewing the Avengers. I'd hate to be in a meeting with you guys!  
Blurr: You-should-be-in-plenty-of-meetings-with-us-but-you-always-have-some-excuse-like-football-or-volcano-climbing-I-don't-believe-he-falls-for-the-volcano-climbing-one!  
Vampirella: I don't believe he'd let me blow off a meeting for volcano climbing anyway. Can I move on now? Anyone have anything else to say? No? Good!  
Jazz: Get on with it then  
Vampirella: I'm ignoring you now. Next question. Does the Transformers G1 movie in 1986 really have a character swear in it?  
Perceptor: When? What's the quote?  
Vampirella: "Oh, shit, what're we gonna do now?"  
Perceptor: Then you have just answered your own question  
Mirage: Don't ask us if something's said and then tell us that's what was said! That's not an answerable question!  
Blaster: You're turning this into QI!  
Jazz: What's the odd one out? None of them. Mwuahaha!  
Blaster: Don't tempt her  
Vampirella: I was just asking  
Mirage: Yes but you're not supposed to answer the question yourself straight afterwards!  
Vampirella: Perceptor asked me the quote!  
Perceptor: The question should be "Was the following quote actually said?!"  
Blaster: Yeah! Exactly! Ask it that way around!  
Vampirella: OK then. Was the following quote actually said? 'Oh, shit, what're we gonna do now?'  
Jetfire: Well you were just telling us it was said!  
Jetstorm: You can't be telling us, and then asking us!  
Jazz: You are the worst host ever!  
Vampirella: OK, I give up! Ask yourselves!  
Blurr: Ask-ourselves-how-do-we-ask-ourselves?  
Vampirella: I mean ask each other  
Jazz: That's not what you said!  
Vampirella: Oh my God just shut up! Next question-  
Jetfire: I thought you were saying we were asking ourselves!  
Vampirella: Is this national Wind Up Vampirella day or something?  
Blurr: Ha-ha-she's-finally-caught-on! Jazz-you-were-right-it-did-take-a-while-  
Vampirella: What?!  
Jazz: We wound you up?  
Vampirella: YES!  
Twins: RESULT!  
Jazz: Haha!  
Vampirella: What?!  
Jazz: That was the plan  
Vampirella: WHAT?!  
Perceptor: Don't say that, the titanic will crash into us  
Vampirella: I hate you all so much


	5. Ask the Decepticons

Vampirella: I'm not doing this!  
Skywarp: We're not as annoying as them!  
Vampirella: Yes you are!  
Skywarp: Well yes but you're scary!  
Shockwave: It's recording  
Vampirella: Hello and welcome to the SJS where this time I'm asking the Decepticons  
Skywarp: The mood is killed, they saw that. Ew, what's that?  
Vampirella: What's what?  
Skywarp: That thing  
Vampirella: The Oasis?  
Shockwave: Cabin Fever 2? The punch? Gross  
Vampirella: Oh. Ew. ~continues to drink Oasis~  
Skywarp: That's just weird  
Vampirella: OK! First question! Are you mad that Loki got closer to the Teserract than you did to the Allspark?  
Megatron: Really? You had to ask?  
Shockwave: Of course we are! And Loki made it look so easy!  
Vampirella: Knockout, you're quite the racer. Ever considered racing Zippy?  
Knockout: Who?  
Vampirella: Blurr  
Knockout: Oh. Well I would have until you told me his nickname  
Vampirella: He hates that actually  
Knockout: It would depend if Master Disaster was controlling him or not  
Vampirella: Oh you heard about that?  
Knockout: Yes, and I-  
Blitzwing: Shut up  
Knockout: ~snicker~ also heard about-  
Blitzwing: Shut up  
Knockout: what happened to Blitz  
Vampirella: Haha, yes  
Blitzwing: Zhat vas not funny!  
Vampirella: Yeeahh pretty funny. Wouldn't you agree lamb?  
Lamb: ~on screen~ Yeah  
Vampirella: All credit goes to Russell Howard and whoever uploaded the video in the first place. Next question. Anyone else hear Megatron say Chugway?  
Blitzwing: Bwhahaha Chugway!  
Shockwave: Yes. I heard that!  
Megatron: I didn't say Chugway!  
Vampirella: I'm calling you Chugway now  
Skywarp: Well you would  
Shockwave: You do and I offline you!  
Vampirella: Yeah good luck with that. Blitz, what did it feel like to be frozen?  
Blitzwing: Cold  
Vampirella: I'm gonna get no sense out of you now am I?  
Skywarp: You're one to talk!  
Vampirella: I make perfect sense!  
Shockwave: Then pick us up some stuff from ASDA  
Vampirella: I'm not going to ASDA. It's the headquarters of the Cheese People and that anyone who enters will eventually be killed by a load of flying bananas  
Blitzwing: I vonder if zhey come back to zhou like boomerangs  
Vampirella:...I wanna try that  
Shockwave: Does anyone have a banana?  
Megatron: Oh I knew I forgot something  
Vampirella: ~looks around in bag~ I have a banana!  
Skywarp: It's a banana!  
Knockout: Have a banana!  
Vampirella: OK 3...2...1...~throws banana~  
Skywarp:...  
Blitzwing:...  
Shockwave:...  
Megatron:...  
Knockout:...  
Vampirella:...  
Shockwave: That's not coming back  
Blitzwing: I have ein question. Vould anyone like any toast?  
Vampirella: No! We want no muffins, no toast, no teacakes, no buns, baps, baguettes or bagels, no croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes, no potato cakes and no hot cross buns. And definitely no smegging flapjacks!  
Blitzwing: Und zhou say I make no sense!  
Vampirella: Ow!  
Shockwave: Plooms?  
Vampirella: Yeah  
All: DON'T EAT THEM THEN!  
Vampirella: And that concludes Ask The Decepticons. Good night  
Knockout: It's not night  
Vampirella: Are we really going to go through this again? I already had this conversation with the Avengers! ~drinks Oasis~  
Shockwave:...  
Megatron:...  
Skywarp:..  
Blitzwing:...  
Knockout:...  
Skywarp: Someone peed in that  
Vampirella: ~spits Oasis~


	6. Ask the Decepticons 2

Vampirella: And welcome to yet another episode of Ask the Decepticons  
Skywarp: I think your fans are getting tired of this now  
Vampirella: I have very few fans. In fact, I could name some awesome people who watch me on Deviantart right now who tend to favourite my work  
Skywarp: Go on then  
Vampirella: Shadowcatrules89. Gothikuk. KiraTheCrazyKiller has faved some stuff too and it totally awesome  
Skywarp: And now someone else who favourites your work a lot will fave this and you wouldn't have mentioned them  
Vampirella: This is called Ask the Decepticons, not Thank DA people...Although if you do tend to fave my work, thanks. Anyway. These are all questions that people asked me to ask you  
Megatron: By people you mean your friend and her sister  
Vampirella: Maybe. Meg, why are you such a perv towards Optimus?  
Megatron:...I have the right to remain silent  
Skywarp: Chicken!  
Megatron: Well...it's just...he's...  
Vampirella: Hot?  
Blitzwing: #Sunshine lollypops and rainbows...I don't know zhe rest of zhat  
Vampirella: Nope neither do I...I was also asked what Blitzwing has in his cookies. And are you really crazy?  
Blitzwing: Nein everyone else is  
Vampirella: Blitz you make me look sane  
Shockwave: Oh I wouldn't go that far  
Blitzwing: I like iron filings  
Vampirella: Most cereals contain iron filings  
Blitzwing: Bwuahaha iron filings and sheet metal  
Vampirella: Iron filings and sheet metal are in your brownies? How does someone get high on iron filings and sheet metal? That's another question I was asked  
Megatron: Primus knows but Blitzwing somehow manages it  
Blitzwing: Haha look at the pretty elephant  
Vampirella: See?! There IS an elephant?  
Shockwave: See? See what I mean? You're as insane as each other  
Vampirella: I have a question. WHAT THE HELL AREN'T WE SUPPOSED TO FORGET?!  
Skywarp: Erm I think they forgot  
Knockout: I have no idea what you are on about  
Vampirella: Well you wouldn't. There's an elephant that runs across with a banner saying don't forget and that's it! They don't tell us what we're not supposed to forget!  
Shockwave: ~to Knockout~ It's a Wednesday thing  
Knockout: I see  
Vampirella: I'm gonna miss the scoreboard ~cries uncontrollably~

**We apologize for...that**

Skywarp: Better?  
Vampirella: ~sniffles~ Yes  
Megatron: Good now let's get this over with  
Vampirella: IRideAMagicLadle  
Skywarp: Do you?  
Vampirella: Commented on Ask the Avengers  
Skywarp: That's not a question!  
Vampirella: Woah. OK. Don't go all psycho on me  
Skywarp: Ask a fragging question then!  
Vampirella:...I have nothing else to ask. Please people. We need more questions. Please ask something! Even if it has nothing to do with the show. Even if you've never even heard of Transformers. It can be something weird like "How do you pronounce Oreo." or something like that. Please please please if you're reading this, ask something! ~gets down on knees~ We're desperate  
Blitzwing: Yes because zhat vill get more viewers und questions  
Vampirella: Ow my bask is too tight. Can't breathe...  
Shockwave: You are the one insisting on going into school for your GCSE results like that  
Vampirella: ~passes out~  
Skywarp:...And that concludes Ask the Decepticons...again. There will probably be another pointless one of these. If so, sit back, relax, and enjoy the dulcet sounds of Reid screaming in her ear

* * *

**Please please please ask a question if you read this. We _are_ desperate! Like I said, it can be to _anyone_and about anything!**


	7. Ask the Decepticons 3

**If you find any mistakes let me know. I wrote this at around 1am so I was really tired**

* * *

Vampirella: Ask the Decepticons 3 welcome yes hello.  
Megatron: She's just exited because someone asked a question.  
Vampirella: This is a question from Oceanisuna ~smiles~ Shockwave.  
Shockwave: Yes hello  
Vampirella: How did you become so handsome?  
Knockout: Woah woah woah what is wrong with this person?  
Shockwave: ~elbows Knockout~  
Knockout: Ow  
Shockwave: Well, Oceanisuna, you have good taste  
Vampirella: You would say that  
Shockwave: Are those cherries?  
Vampirella: What? Oh Primus you're going delusional  
Skywarp: He's not the one obsessing with that elephant with the Don't Forget banner  
Shockwave: Oceanisuna. Cherries  
Vampirella: Ooh. Yes  
Shockwave: Nice  
Vampirella: So...about the question  
Shockwave: I have a question for Oceanisuna  
Vampirella: You can't answer a question with a question  
Shockwave: Do you prefer me as me or as Longarm?  
Vampirella: Most people prefer you as you. Longarm is too...Autobot-like  
Knockout: Really? Funny that, isn't it?  
Shockwave: What has happened to Deviantart?  
Skywarp: The thumbnails are bigger  
Blitzwing: Bwuaha thumbnails  
Megatron:...Yes  
Vampirella: Shockwave! The question!  
Shockwave: How do I answer that?  
Vampirella: I don't know. That's why the question is directed at you! So you can answer!  
Skywarp: This is going nowhere  
Knockout: Do people actually read this?  
Vampirella: OK let's give Shocky a break  
Shockwave: And don't call me that  
Vampirella: But we're going back to you later! While awaiting more questions, let us twist oreos  
Skywarp: ~oreo breaks~  
Blitzwing: ~oreo breaks~  
Megatron: What is with your obsession with these? ~oreo breaks~  
Knockout: ~oreo breaks~  
Shockwave: ~twists oreo successfully~  
Vampirella: What?! No fair! Do it again  
Shockwave: ~twists another oreo~  
Vampirella: What?! OK we will be right back after the break. Shocky tell me how to do that  
Shockwave: If you stop calling me that!

Vampirella: And we are back. And we have only been through one question so far. Shadowcatrules89 asks Shockwave what is you with your appearance and why did you fail at being a spy?  
Skywarp: Why is he getting all the questions?  
Shockwave: Woah woah woah what's wrong with my appearance? Oceanisuna said I'm handsome! And how exactly did I fail at being a spy?  
Vampirella: Something about lack of a face and you just randomly told the Earth bots that you're the spy  
Shockwave: To be fair, I didn't get much of a reaction. Just a 'so Wasp is innocent'  
Vampirella: I know I expected more of a reaction. I have two more questions from Oceanisuna. Megatron, do you think Lugnut is annoying?  
Megatron: Well, he is one of the most loyal Decepticons  
Vampirella: That's not really answering the question  
Shockwave: Remember! He pushed me into a wall! Twice!  
Vampirella: Haha that was funny  
Megatron: Yes he is annoying!  
Blitzwing: Try being stuck vith him and Starscream. Von obsessed vith over powing you and von obsessed vith zhou!  
Vampirella: Aww I feel for you Blitz  
Megatron: I do believe I have told him to shut up on more that one occasion  
Vampirella: Oh I'm sure you've done more than that...and just as that left my mouth I realised how bad that sounded. Moving on then. Do any of you have a girlfriend?  
Skywarp: Is this from Oceanisuna?  
Vampirella: Yes  
Blitzwing: I have mine optics on someone  
Vampirella: Zombie!  
Skywarp: Who who who?  
Blitzwing: Ze spider bot  
Vampirella: You and Blackarachnia? Never gonna happen Blitzy  
Skywarp: Oh shush  
Knockout: I like Arcee  
Vampirella: You like everything that moves Knockout  
Megatron: I actually do  
Vampirella: Ooh who?  
Megatron: Slipstream  
Skywarp: EEEW! EEEEWWW! GROSS!  
Megatron: And all those fanfictions about Starscream's clones somehow being mine and his creations are just disturbing  
Skywarp: EEWW!  
Vampirella: And you told me to shush!  
Skywarp: But that's...EEW!  
Shockwave: There are very few well known female Cybertronians  
Vampirella: What about you Shocky?  
Shockwave: Stop calling me that. And no I'm single  
Vampirella: Whooo! Hear that? Shockwave is available!  
Shockwave: I'm not interested  
Vampirella: Aww  
Shockwave: I thought you like Knockout  
Vampirella: Sshhhut up!  
Knockout: Nice  
Vampirella: Awkward! Thanks a lot. And anyway, I like plenty of people! Most older people. The oldest person I like is 47  
Megatron: And you are 14  
Vampirella: Well yes, I admit the chances are slim. Anyway this has nothing to do with the question. So to recap. Knockout likes Arcee, Blitz likes Blackarachnia and Meggy is going out with Slipstream  
Megatron: Don't call me that  
Skywarp: And you like Knockout  
Vampirella: Shut up! We have only had like five questions and we are already running out of time!  
Skywarp: You made us twist oreos. That was time wasting  
Vampirella: No it wasn't because Shockwave is an Oreo God...And next time we'll bring Lugnut on  
Megatron: Nooooooo!  
Vampirella: I am. I'm bringing him on and telling him what you said about him and they leave you to deal with it  
Skywarp: ~mocking voice~ How dare you...say words about Megatron!  
Vampirella: Haha I love it when people mock others in a voice they don't have  
Skywarp: Anyway go bug the Autobots or something, you've only done this with them once  
Vampirella: They deliberately annoyed me last time!  
Skywarp: Exactly! Pay back  
Vampirella: Nah I'll continue to bug you two. If anyone out there has any questions please ask. Bye bye


	8. Ask the AutobotsDecepticons

Vampirella: OK so for fun I decided to interview Autobots and Decepticons together. Also welcome Soundwave to the Decepticon side of this, we've not really heard from him, and you still probably won't. So now we are impatiently awaiting more questions while they try not to offline each other  
Jazz: Oh give us time  
Megatron: Shut it ninja  
Vampirella: This is gonna be fun. Oh and we have a little surprise for you at the end  
Jazz: Aww scrap  
Shockwave: Oh no I think I know what that is  
Vampirella: Oh you know. OK. If you could dedicate a song to any Transformer, what would it be? Also to all those viewers we don't have, what would you say? Any suggestions?  
Jazz: Jetfire would have Firestarter  
Vampirella: Meg would have Teeth by Lady Gaga. He has adorable teeth  
Megatron: Shut up  
Shockwave: Jazz would have Kung Fu Fighting  
Vampirella: Haha good one  
Blaster: Mirage would have Queen's Invisible Man  
Vampirella: Oh oh Blaster! Rock and Roll All Night by Kiss...which is now stuck in my head. What do G1 have against rock?  
Jetfire: Zip a Dee Doo Dah  
Blurr: Of-course-thanks-for-that-fire  
Vampirella: 99 Red Balloons comes in mind for Blitz. That's the best you're gonna get  
Skywarp: Cold as Ice for Jetstorm  
Vampirella: Yes that works  
Jetstorm: A few of us can be sharing I'm Blue  
Vampirella: #I'm blue daba dee daba di# OK what about Shocky? And Warp? They have no songs  
Megatron: Who's question was this?  
Vampirella: Mine  
Shockwave: Soundwave needs one too  
Mirage: And Perceptor  
Vampirella: Something sciency. Like the Elements Song by Tom Lehrer  
Mirage: Which you went and memorized  
Vampirella: I had nothing better to do  
Shockwave: OK so Perceptor has the Elements Song. Now what about me, Warp and Soundwave who hasn't said a word yet?  
Vampirella: I think we better leave that to those many viewers we don't have that I told you about earlier  
Skywarp: Just roughly, how many are there?  
Vampirella: About...four  
Megatron: Do we have another question?  
Vampirella: Not yet. Wait, no, Shadowcatrules89 asks Starscream how you felt about Michael Bay killing you off in the Transformers movie with Shia Labeouf  
Starscream: Never mention that name!  
Jazz: He's not in Transformers 4. What about Bumblebee?  
Vampirella: You can't have Transformers without Bumblebee. Anyway Screamer answer the question  
Starscream: It was horrible I tell you! A human. Why it was an embarrassment to all Decepticons  
Vampirella: But obviously it didn't really happen, did it Screamer?!  
Megatron: I wish  
Vampirella: Hey Meggy play nice. Oh Screamer, I have a message back from Shadowcatrules89 calling you Starscream the Magnificent  
Starscream: Starscream the Magnificent. I could get used to that  
Vampirella: So, Jetfire...what are the chances of me remaining online if I ask you a question about Revenge of the Fallen?  
Jetfire: Slim  
Vampirella: OK then. Moving on. What do you think of Brian Drummond's voices?  
Jetstorm: Well it is clear that you are liking the voices  
Vampirella: Well yes, Beast Machines you is awesome and Armada Jetfire has an amazing voice  
Jazz: What about Zippy? That's the slowest Blurr voice ever  
Vampirella: I know right. With a name like Blurr, you can't be slow. Although, they are different  
Skywarp: Only because you like him!  
Knockout: You like everyone!  
Vampirella: Like I clarified last time, I like older people  
Skywarp: Like 47 year old Robert Downey Jr  
Blitzwing: Und Jeff Bridges  
Vampirella: Shut up! At least I don't like Slipstream!  
Megatron: Well no...that would be a little weird  
Vampirella: You know exactly what I mean! While we await more questions, tell me the lyrics of Mmmbop!  
Skywarp: It's something to do with planting flowers?  
Shockwave: Winnie the Oyster?  
Jazz: Telling your back that's it's gone so fast?  
Vampirella: I heard something about mayonnaise at the beginning  
Blaster: So you plant the flowers with mayonnaise?  
Vampirella: They're mayonnaise plants  
Megatron: Ugh have we got any more questions yet?  
Vampirella: No you should be thankful we get any at all  
Megatron: Can we hurry this up so we can get that surprise I'm not looking forward to?  
Shockwave: No no you really don't want to do that  
Vampirella: See? Shockwave was paying attention last time! Oh oh we have another question! From Oceanisuna., who seams to be the only one asking questions now so thanks a bunch. Shockwave-  
Shockwave: Oh Primus  
Vampirella: Do you think love is not logical and why?  
Shockwave: Well...yes, I do actually. Love is stupid  
Vampirella: Thank you  
Jazz: What?! How is it?!  
Shockwave: Well, just a random example, when you go to see an action film, you don't really have that sort of action in mind  
Vampirella: ~laughs~  
Jazz: But how is it illogical?  
Shockwave: I just don't get it. I mean you can have too much of someone. No-one will ever spend the rest of their lives with someone because they'll just get fed up of each other  
Vampirella: Didn't we once ask if you had girlfriends?  
Shockwave: Yes and I said I was single  
Vampirella: Oh yes and I said you were available  
Shockwave: And I said I'm not interested  
Vampirella: I remember it clearly  
Shockwave: Next question?  
Vampirella: From Oceanisuna. Megatron, Which one do you think is more annoying, Lugnut or Starscream?  
Megatron: Well, despite Starscream's numerous attempts to overpower me, I have to say Lugnut  
Vampirella: Haha! This makes the surprise a whole lot more funny  
Blaster: Aww poor Luggy  
Mirage: Why Lugnut?  
Megatron: Well at first he seemed like the most loyal, but he is just so frustrating  
Vampirella: I agree on that  
Megatron: His constant "Lord Megatron" this and "the word of Megatron" that I mean does he have a crush on me or something? He's obsessed!  
Vampirella: ~bursts out laughing~ Aww Megatron and Luggy sitting in a tree! OK one more question from LokiLaufeyson05 and then time for your surprise. Which Marvel character would you be?  
Jetfire: Oh oh Pyro  
Vampirella: X-Men?  
Jetfire: Yup  
Jetstorm: Iceman's a rubbish name  
Vampirella: Yeah isn't it just  
Shockwave: Perceptor would be Xavier  
Vampirella: Are we just naming X-Men characters now?  
Blitzwing: Warp vould be zhat teleporter Will. played  
Skywarp: Oh yes, I don't know his name  
Vampirella: Is there a speedy Marvel character?  
Jazz: V you're the Hulk, no-one likes you when you're angry  
Vampirella: True  
Blaster: Oh oh Ultra Magnus can be Thor  
Vampirella: Haha who does that make Loki?  
Jazz: I think we're actually running out of Marvel characters  
Vampirella: OK time for your surprise then I guess  
~in walks Lugnut~  
Vampirella: Oh would you look at the time, gotta dash ~flies away~  
Megatron: V I'M GONNA FRAGGING KILL YOU!


	9. Ask the Camelot People

Vampirella: Hello my loyal (?) viewers and welcome to ask the, uh, Camelot people. We got Arthur, Merlin, Gauis, Gwaine, Leon, Percival, Lancelot, Elyan, Mordred, Morgana, Gwen and Uther Pendragon, the only one who's surname I gave. And we also have a surprise guest later on. Question number 1. Arthur, why are you such a prat?

Arthur: What?! Who's question is that?!

Merlin: Mine.

Arthur: Oh, shut up.

Vampirella: I'm...uh...not gonna get an answer am I?

Arthur: No!

Vampirella: Fine fine. This is my question and it's for Arthur.

Arthur: Oh joy.

Vampirella: All these times Merlin's eyes went golden, right in front of you. You're seriously telling me you never noticed?

Arthur: Well I don't tend to look into Merlin's eyes.

Merlin: Thank God.

Vampirella: And all these trees that just conveniently fell to block the enemies. And your enemies just dropping their weapons 'accidentally'. You didn't think anything strange was going on?

Arthur: Well I certainly didn't think it was Merlin doing all of that.

Vampirella: And when you were playing that game. You know, like days before you died. The game that was strangely like that Pirates of the Caribbean game Davy Jones played. Merlin was always winning and his eyes went all golden right in front of you.

Arthur: Like I said, I don't look into his eyes.

Vampirella: Do you feel betrayed that Lancelot knew about Merlin's magic the whole time? Or embarrassed that Lancelot figured it out because it was so obvious.

Arthur: WHAT?!

Lancelot: In my defense, you never asked.

Arthur: Why would I? Oh, random question. Is Merlin a sorcerer?

Vampirella: When your father was like haunting Camelot and stuff, didn't you want to know what he was about to say?

Arthur: When?

Vampirella: Merlin has...

Arthur: Oh that. No, I didn't really think about it. I mean, I did just pretty much betray my father.

Uther: Yes, yes you did.

Vampirella: I don't think that's helping. To be fair, Uther, you were being pretty annoying that day.

Lancelot: Woah woah wait. Haunted Camelot?

Vampirella: Long story, you were dead. OK since we still await questions, let me ask another one of my own. Mordred, why did you kill Arthur?

Arthur: Really?

Mordred: _~glares at Merlin~_ It was my destiny.

Merlin: Don't give me that.

Vampirella: Well, it kinda was. Actually I'm really big on the legend, why was I surprised? OK moving on, Gauis. If Merlin wasn't there all that time ago to magically break your fall, what would you have done?

Gauis: Well, I certainly wouldn't be here now would I?

Arthur: Gauis I need you to tell me exactly how you fell, and Merlin stay the hell away.

Vampirella: Oh wow thanks. In a fight between Mordred, Arthur and Gwaine...who would win?

Gwaine: Well obviously, I would.

Arthur: If you're sober.

Mordred: Are you forgetting something? I possess magic. I could beat you all.

Vampirella: Do we get a demonstration?

Mordred: I would be fine with that.

Vampirella: _~fan girl giggle.~ _Ah this is gonna be fun.

Arthur: What? No, we are not-

Mordred: Why not Arthur?

Gwaine: Scared you'll loose?

Vampirella: OK how about a fight between Gwaine, Lancelot and Elyan?

Gwaine: Wow I seem to be getting into a lot of fights.

Merlin: Nothing new there.

Elyan: Well Lancelot died first. And Arthur broke the code of honor by knighting all three of us. It would be unfair to judge, because you all know I would win.

Gwaine: You just keep believing that.

Lancelot: I died because I sacrificed myself-

Vampirella: That's exactly why you'd never win. You know, I can think of a song that fits Arthur and Merlin's end thoughts.

Arthur: No no, please don't.

Merlin: What's that?

Arthur: Merlin!

Vampirella: **_But you didn't have to cut me off. Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing. I don't really need that though. Now you're just somebody that I used to know._ **From Arthur's perspective.

Gauis: Is that really what music is like in your time?

Vampirella: I know it's dreadful. There is a much better song by a band in the 1970's which would fit when Uther found out Merlin has magic. _**Run to the hills. Run for your lives.**_From Uther's perspective. Or _**it's a kinda magic.**_That's a good Merlin song.

Arthur: Why are we doing this?

Vampirella: BECAUSE NO-ONE ASKED ANY QUESTIONS YET!

Arthur: Ow Merlin I think I have something in my eye.

Merlin: Let me see. _~looks into Arthur's eyes.~ _I can't see anything. _~moves closer.~_

Vampirella: _**And can you feel the love tonight?**_** _It is where we are. It's enough to make kings_**_** and vagabonds**..._What's a vagabond?

Uther: Why did we allow her into Camelot?

Arthur: I have no idea.

Gwen: Don't be mean.

Vampirella: Thank you Gwen!

Arthur: Gwen, the girl is an idiot.

Vampirella: Ahem, the correct term is 'ejit'. And anyway, that's what makes me so successful in my line of work.

Morgana: And what is your line of work?

Vampirella: I'm a spy. If I'm ever caught, the captors will get no useful information whatsoever. And I'm also a scientist so be nice! Coz if you get on the wrong side of me...well, you wouldn't want to know what I'd do.

Mordred: What would you do?

Vampirella: _**Trying to stop it is futile so listen now to my musical doodle. Do do do do do do do do do do. Listen again to my musical doodle.**_There, now that will be stuck in your head.

Arthur: That is just-

Elyan: _~whistling Musical Doodle.~ _

Arthur: Elyan!

Vampirella: OK we're going to take a short break now.

* * *

**_..._**

* * *

Vampirella: And we're back.

Arthur: _~hands tied behind back~ _Is this really necessary?

Mordred: _~hands tied behind back~ _We didn't mean it.

Vampirella: During the break, we had a little argument involving these two threatening to kill me so I used **my **magic to do that.

Mordred: Would it help if I said sorry?

Vampirella: Hmm it's a start.

Arthur: So will you release us?

Vampirella: Nope. Aah people we have a question! It's from...ScreamOut27uk, asking why your swords have names. Good point. Why _do _swords have names?

Arthur: They just...do.

Vampirella: Good answer. So, what are people's sword names?

Arthur: I have Caliburn.

Lancelot: Arondight.

Gwaine: Galatyn.

Vampirella: Wow, nothing like mine.

Morgana: Your sword is named?

Vampirella: Of course.

Merlin: Well?

Gwen: What is it called?

Vampirella:...Slash.

Leon: You named that yourself?

Vampirella: Yes.

Elyan: Yes, I can tell.

Vampirella: Moving on! Question from BBDevilCat. In a fight between sorcerers, who would win?

Morgana: I am high priestess, obviously I would win.

Mordred: Yes but one glimpse of Emrys and-

Merlin: _~laughs~ _What?

Mordred: Nightmares of 'Emrys'

Merlin: Nice. Well I managed to win all those fights without a single knight ever noticing besides Lancelot.

Vampirella: That's not coz you're good, Merlin. That's coz they're not bright enough to notice.

Merlin: I could summon the Great Dragon.

Arthur: Oh so you're a dragon lord now?! Wait...

Vampirella: Yeah, Arthur. And besides, aren't you forgetting someone?

Morgana: I don't know, are we?

Vampirella: A fight between sorcerers. I could transform and beat you all.

Mordred: Oh really?

Vampirella: And when I use my magic, I don't have tell tale details like golden eyes or anything. And now for the main event. People, please welcome the great Kilgharrah or AKA the Great Dragon!

Kilgharrah: I must say, young warlock, I am amused. Why not show off your skills now?

Vampirella: No no, that wasn't part of the agreement.

Arthur:...Dragon.

Gwaine: Yes, Arthur. Dragon.

Merlin: You know what? Maybe I will. Mordred? Morgana?

Mordred: Sure, why not?

Morgana: Sounds like...fun.

All three: _~advance on Vampirella.~_

Vampirella: I didn't agree to this. _~backs away.~_

All three: _~chase Vampirella off set~ _

Leon: Well, I think that concluded this episode of Ask The Camelot People. Till next time.


	10. Ask Middle Earth

V: Hello and welcome to Ask the...OK I know I struggled with the Camelot people but there is like no single category for you people. And besides, Middle Earth is not a good planet name! So anyway, welcome to Ask the People of Middle Earth I guess. We have with us; Frodo, Samwise, Merry, Pippin, Gandalf, Legolas, Aragorn, Gimli, Lord Elrond, King Thra...Th...Thranduil, ugh, Boromir. Sorry this episode took so long, but it was hard to get the Elves to trust me once I randomly appeared with a strange recording device. OK, let's start. Elves are antisocial. Discuss.

Legolas: This again?

Elrond: We are not.

Pippin: You...kinda are.

Gimli: Typical Elves don't even trust each other.

Vampirella: Exactly!

Legolas: Who made this statement?

Vampirella: I did.

Samwise: You did accuse her of being an evil spy or something when she first showed you the video camera.

Vampirella See? Thanks Sam. Another question. Haven't you elves ever heard of apostrophes before?

Elrond: Apostrophes?

Vampirella: Yeah, they're these things that make your sentences shorter and don't make people want to switch off when you speak.

Frodo: Don't bother. They will never learn the ways of apostrophes.

Vampirella: Also, just saying, you people have been alive for like ages. Why don't you have TV or anything?

Legolas: What is this TV you speak of?

Vampirella: It's like this box with glass and you can see moving images in it. This is a question for Legolas and Frodo-

Legolas: Who asked?

Vampirella: I did. You are never seen speaking to each other. Does that mean something happened between you two before and that's why you won't speak to each other? You know how I mean.

Frodo: Ew no no way ew.

Legolas: I do not know whether or not I should be offended by that.

Gimli: Be offended.

Frodo: I'm just saying...no...that's...ew.

Legolas:...Yes you're right, that's...no.

Vampirella: *gasps* What's this? Is the Prince of Mirkwood finally learning the ways of the apostrophe?

Frodo: Why would you even think that?

Vampirella: It's not just me!

Elrond: ?

Gandalf: Do not ask.

Vampirella: That's for another time, people. I once wanted some Legolas and Aragorn action. The, uh, that wasn't the type of action I had in mind.

Aragorn: Moving swiftly on.

Vampirella: We have no questions. People don't ask me questions. Apart from this. BBDevilCat asks who do you think has the most fangirls? Aragorn or Legolas?

Aragorn: Well obviously, they'd go for a king.

Legolas: People will more likely go for a prince than a king.

Aragorn: What makes you say that?

Legolas: Kings always have someone wanting to kill them. Falling for a king is dangerous, falling for a prince is perfectly fine.

Vampirella: And since Elves live for ages, Legolas won't be king of Mirkwood any time soon.

Legolas: And there is also the fact that...well...I'm better than you.

Vampirella: Good, that is true.

Aragorn: Oh you really think so?

Legolas: I know so.

Gimli: Typical elf.

Vampirella: _~to the camera~_I'm sensing an argument now. But what about Frodo, people? He's adorable.

Frodo: Erm...thanks?

Vampirella: Here's another question. The people have a thing called Fanfiction. Basically, I'm gonna give you a list of the people's favourite pairings, and I want you to discuss. There's; Legolas/Aragorn, Legolas/Gimli, Frodo/Legolas, Frodo/Sam, Pippin/Merry, Elrond/Legolas…the list goes on. Even including Treebeard/Legolas. And this is one which, no matter what you think, is an actual pairing…ready?...Treebeard/Bill the Pony.

Legolas: Those are just…

Aragorn: So wrong

Gimli: And dwarf and an elf?!

Aragorn: Man and elf?!

Legolas: Erm, excuse me?

Aragorn: What?

Legolas: What's so bad about an elf?!

Aragorn:…

Gimli:…

Frodo:…

Gandalf:…

Sam:…

Pippin:…

Merry:…

Vampirella:…

Elrond: No no, answer the question.

Thranduil: Yes, what **_is _**so bad about an elf?

Gandalf: It's nothing personal…

Sam: It's just…

Vampirella: Elves are very antisocial and don't trust anything and think they're better than everyone else.

Frodo: Really?

Aragorn: Why do that?

Legolas: Oh is that really what you think?

Aragorn: Oh come on Legolas. You can't believe a word she says. She told us about a flying cat with poptart-

Vampirella: It exists!

Pippin: And this place where you go up to a window and people give you food. What's that called?

Vampirella: The drive-thru at McDonalds.

Pippin: Who's McDonald?

Vampirella: It started as a barbeque restaurant. Richard and Maurice McDonald founded McDonalds-

Pippin: They found McDonald's?

Frodo: No, founded.

Vampirella: How did we get into this? I tell you there's a poptart cat and you're more interested in McDonalds. You know what people? I'm ending it there! _~to the camera~ _If you have any questions, please please please ask!

Legolas: You mean we have to do this again?

Vampirella: Oh yeah, everyone has to do this at least twice.

Aragorn: Kill me now.


	11. Ask the Autobots Again

I got a review from Transformergirl0 asking a question for Decepticons, but I can't reply to it because she wasn't logged in. On the off chance that you are reading this, I'll answer that next

Vampirella: Hello and welcome to another edition of Ask the Autobots… Again. Thanks to the one and only xCabooseRTRvB for asking me to do another, so thank you.

Jazz: Yes… thank you.

Vampirella: Question from xCabooseRTRvB. Jazz, would you kill Jetfire and Jetstorm if they pranked you by switching your music into something you hate?

Jazz: Yes! Stay away from my music! My music!

Jetfire: I am not seeing your name on it.

Jazz: Oh yeah? Well I don't see a genre of music called Jetfire.

Vampirella: OK OK they've not actually played the prank yet-

Jazz: What do you mean _yet_?!

Jetstorm: _~whispering~ _Thank you, xCabooseRTRvB, for inspiration.

Jazz: No! Keep your servos off your music!

Vampirella: What would you change it to?

Jetfire: JLS!

Jetstorm: Justin Bieber!

Jazz: Nooo! Joke's on you, I'll be expecting it now.

Jetfire: Let me be asking you this… have you been hearing of Rick Roll?

Jazz: …Primus kill me now!

Vampirella: Which brings me to the next question from xCabooseRTRvB. Why are you two so adorable and funny?

Jetstorm: Aw you think we're adorable and funny.

Jetfire: Thanking you!

Vampirella: So just because xCabooseRTRvB is curious, hehe, if you were to pick your favourite pairing, what would it be? Because personally, I'd choose Mirage and Cliffjumper but-

Mirage: What?!

Cliffjumper: That prissy Towers bot?!

Mirage: That undignified slag-head?

Jazz: You heard it here first, people. A posh Towers bot said 'slag-head.'

Vampirella: So what are your favourites?

Mirage: Blurr and Bumblebee. The _fastest things on wheels._

Bumblebee: No! Not the arrogant full-of-himself Autobot!

Blurr: Full-of-myself-

Bumblebee: You're in the Elite Guard, aren't you?

Jazz: What?! How are we full of ourselves?!

Bumblebee: …You're in the Elite Guard, aren't you?

Blurr: I-like-Bumblebee-and-Prowl-

Prowl: Blurr-

Bumblebee: Not the stiff bore!

Prowl: Stiff?

Vampirella: _~snickers childishly~_

Bumblebee: I'm more a ninja bot fan. Prowl x Jazz.

Jazz: I'm sorry, what?

Vampirella: It's better than either of you guys and Lockdown.

Prowl: True.

Jazz: Optimus and Sentinel!

Bumblebee: Ooh power of the Primes!

Vampirella: Well I'm sticking with Mirage and Cliff. Though, I wouldn't be opposed to Perceptor and First Aid if I could slagging find some. Anyway, moving on swiftly. Out of the Elite Guard, who would win in a battle?

Jazz: Ninja.

Blurr: Speedster.

Jazz: Ninja!

Blurr: Speedster!

Prowl: I am rooting for ninja.

Bumblebee: Speed beats stealth.

Jazz: Since when?!

Blurr: Since-always-I-can-run-away-from-danger-but-you-ju st-stand-there-and-hope-not-to-be-noticed.-I-can-m ake-an-attack-before-the-enemy-even-notices-I'm-th ere.

Jazz: And I can attack before the enemy can register I've been there.

Jetfire: In case you have not been noticing…

Jetstorm: …We are flying Autobots who combine.

Jazz: …

Blurr: …

Jazz: Case closed.

Vampirella: Haha. So do you have girlfriends or have a crush on someone?

Bumblebee: Haven't… haven't we already had this question?

Vampirella: Yes and you were crap at answering! Answer again!

Jazz: Who asked?

Vampirella: xCabooseRTRvB did!

Bumblebee: Wow that is one hell of a great username.

Vampirella: I know right? So answer the damn question.

Jazz: The question remains the same.

Vampirella: Aww really? You're boring. So stay tuned for the next edition when I can bug the hell out of some more people. Thanks to xCabooseRTRvB, without you this episode would not have happened. Cheerio.

Jazz: I want Cheerios.

Prowl: _I _want Cheerios.

Jazz: Let's get some Cheerios.


End file.
